Last two weeks, I had serious neural pain in my back which made me hardly move, sort like stroke, it happened once in my high school as due to the overloaded exercise, if this is the punishment god want me to take, then it's enough. Recently I reviewed my last year here, the good thing is I can spend more time with my family, but even they like me to be around, my mom told me once, I m not the guy who can stay in this place forever, some day I will walk away from them again, I was shocked by her words, dont know when and why, just gonna be...

 

when I talk with my friends, they always say:do not think you know me well. It's true, coz we dont know ourselves as well, how we have time to know others deeply. as to me, I always want to be a good guy, but my action just like a bad guy always, I trapped myself in the factory all the time, live quietly and peacefully, my mom said again: if you want to stay here, you got to find a wife for youself, and that time my grandma was in bad situation too, the only wish left was to see I got someone. maybe I can just satisfy them both. I remembered someone said to me, love is for the children, marriage and responsibility is for the adults. Could you please tell me how to run a marriage without love. If you cant trust love, then you've already dead inside, no matter how successful you are, when you turn around, nobody is there for you, the what's the meaning of all this about. I miss the old me, who can go after what he loved without any doubt, even he will got hurt, but he just didnt care, but now me, trapped in the past, wont try to take the chance, live mindlessly.

 

my friends say blog is just for all your bad mood, you throw them out here, then it wont go around you always,  I may give a shot here. To be end positively, No matter how I change, friends for life.